Diplomacy 3 - Press center

Diplomacy is a strategic board game. Its main distinction from most board wargames is negotiation: Players spend much of their time forming (and betraying) alliances with other players. Set in Europe just before the beginning of World War I , Diplomacy is played by seven players, each controlling the armed forces of a major European power.
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Hayabusa
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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by Hayabusa » Tue Oct 18, 2011 7:04 pm

Preussisches Abendblatt
Chancellor disgruntled by French press releases

[Munich] "I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF THEM SONS OF BITCHES AND SALT THEIR LAND". This unofficial statement was the only quote we could print as to keep our readers from more explicit statments. Our reporter has heard these words during one of the Chancellor's famous monthly Bierfest our beloved leader holds at every first weekend of a month. As the chief editor of this newspaper I have to inform our readers that our own reporter was already pretty drunk when he heard the German Chancellor's statement and he is still not sure if it actually was the Chancellor himself who said them. However, we can reply to the ridiculous French press pictures with an acual picture of our head of state's mother.

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by MadVlat » Tue Oct 18, 2011 7:47 pm

"The Turkish Tribune" French Monarch's Absence Explained The French Monarch's absences from the peace talks finally explained. Reportedly the king of France has found love and decided to settle down with a nice... umm... girl? The Monarch was reportedly caught in a passionate embrace with his beloved bride outside the peace talk's yurt. The bride to be could not be reached for comment however the french monarch had this to say; "Who are you to judge my love? She takes all forms, no? And besides, at least she isn't as hairy as my mother, Oui?"

A picture of the bride to be at her dress fitting. Given to us, so graciously by our Serbian allies.

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...And the stone of the earth and the wind in the sky bowed before the wisdom of the Ancient One...

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by Melvyst » Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:32 pm

.o0 the old guardian 0o.
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New prime minister inaugurated!

In the presence of Queen Anna of Teck, the new prime minister Neville Baldwin was inaugurated today in the holy cathedral of Canterbury .
Little is known about the new statesman, but it is rumored that he is nothing more than the next puppet of the self-serving monarch.

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by Amaris » Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:19 pm

Kronen Zeitung
Sonntag, 7 März 1901
Kaiserin Franziska Joseph sucht gut mit Türkisch, Russisch, Französisch, Deutsch und Englisch Nachbarn lädt alle zum Schloss Schönbrunn für Gala-Ball.

Assassine macht Attentat auf Wilhelm II. von Deutschland.

Königin Wilhelmina und Prinz Heinrich von Mechlenburg Schwerin Wien besuchenauf ihrer Hochzeitsreise Tour.

Tschechows "Drei Schwestern" spielen eine "Bombe". Russischen Dramatikersausgebuht Bühne.

Englisch Queen Victoria das Porträt in das House of Commons angezeigt.

Assassin makes attempt on Wilhelm II of Germany.

Queen Wilhelmina and prince Heinrich von Mechlenburg Schwerin visit Vienna on their honeymoon tour.

Chekov's “Three Sisters” play a “bomb”. Russian playwright booed off stage.

Empress Franziska Joseph seeks good terms with Turkish, Russian, French, German and English neighbors inviting all to Schonbrunn Palace for gala Ball.

English Queen Victoria's portrait displayed in the House of Commons.
7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea.

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by Melvyst » Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:13 am

.o0 the old guardian 0o.
----------------------------


German beer threatens the citizens!
The number of drunken rioters in the streets of London has increased dramatically in recent times.
Research has shown that Britain is flooded with cheap beer from Germany and consequently Germany will held responsible for this misery.
The aristocracy is terrified about such a heinous brew and demands clear actions of the gouverment to eliminate this threat.

The gouverment itself has annouced today that the import tariff for germans goods have been drasticaly increased.


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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by EvilMonkey » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:45 pm

The Russia Reader

Major Upset at Austrian Gala Ball

It has been said that the uncooth nature of the Austrian and French nations is the shame of Europe, and today it has become clear why. Our Tzar, while attending the Ball hosted by the Kaiserin. Has overheard many disturbing things and has been forced to leave the Austrian empire for fear of his own life.

While at the ball he overheard the French Monarch speaking to his entourage and inquiring as to whether or not elements of the terrorist organization "Le Frog" have been emplaced in Germany, England, Turkey and Our glorious motherland. So as to assassinate the respected and benevolent leaders of those nations. Our Tzar in an understandable move, challenged the honor of the French monarch who has recently been the laughing stock of europe due to his recent engagement to a Turkish goat. Stating; "When you turned down my offer to help you find a suitable bride, I said nothing. When you showed up dressed as you are, I suppressed my laughter out of respect. But this shall not pass, I challenge you to a duel of honor!" The French Monarch responded by dousing our beloved Tzar in some sort of foul smelling yellow liquid that was in his wine glass (This substance is now suspected to be the urine of a pig)

A picture of the french Monarch dressed in his Gala Ball finery
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After this cowardly display of dishonor, the Austrian Kaiserin made her appearence on the floor dressed in the best outfit she could afford. Which was barely enough to cover her nether regions. Smelling of a chicken coop and cheap beer, she proceeded in berating our Tzar for his honorable actions, stating; "How dare you attack the finest dressed man at this ball!" She then summoned her royal guard composed of several surly midgets to escort the Tzar out of the imperial shack. When our Tzar raised objections at his mistreatment she responded by pelting him with roasted cow dung. (Apparently a delicacy in the imperial court)

The Austrian Kaiserin posing for a snapshot of her atrocious gala ball outfit
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Our glorious leader has now returned to his Palace and is quoted as saying; "This means war and I shall not relent until the dishonorable dogs that rule tyrannically over their respective nations are deposed and summarily punished for their horrifying actions."
Here, you hold this jar of acid and the rattlesnake. I've got to hop on the unicycle and get this chainsaw revved up.

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by Vardaen » Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:26 pm

Let us not forget our theme.

We are in 1901

Modern radio, or even basic radio broadcasting doesn' start till 1906, really not till 1920 for public new broadcasts.

There is no internet, no TV, telegraph is your main electronic source, with the telephone in use but still not everyplace. No airplanes for 2 more years and then just barely gliders.

New papers, the mail, railroads, these are transporting information.

The term Terrorism and Terrorist is a VERY modern development, last few decades only, so we should keep all this in mind as we post our in theme remarks and such
Paris Gazette

President Emile Loubet and Prime Ministre René Waldeck Rosseau met last week for the first time in nearly four months. The two men who lead the country have regularly been at odds, but recent newspaper articles circulated in foreign lands have brought the two together. Both have publicly come forward to denounce the out right lies and scandalous behavior of the other modern counties, as well as Turkey. President Loubet is quoted at saying, "I support the freedom of the press and all the liberties it affords the common man, but such out and out lies and tabloid reporting found in other countries, such as Russia and Turkey must come to a halt." Loubet's wife, Marie-Louise Picard, of 31 years, was outraged, at the pictures printed in the Turkish tabloids demanding a formal governmental apology from the god forsaking Turkish rulers. "I understand they are infidels and do not follow the way of God and the Church, but even they must realize the damnation they call to their souls for such adulterous reports!" She also extended a heartfelt condolences to Austria for the pain they must have also suffered at the hands of the foreign press.

Prime Ministre Rosseau has appointed a new commissions in response, the Commission on Decency, Ethics and Moral Obligation in the Press is not only sending foreign ambassadors to the mentioned countires but is also taking a look inward to make sure French papers follow a strict moral compass and report only facts that can be verified. Head of the Commission René Viviani demands, "...even factual publication of scandalous and embarrassing events shall not be tolerated. France sets itself to a higher standard, overshadowed only by the Sacred and the Divine."

Ambassadors have been sent to both Russia and Turkey with demands for the apologizes. Hopes are high in the government that these two countries shall do what is right and admit their wrong publicly on the world stage.

A second commission has been organized to look into the accusations of a foreign spy ring operating within French boarders using the name of "Le Frog". It is expected to find and remove these so called French nationalists and expose them for what they are -- foreign activitist posing as citizens of this great land.

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President Emile Loubet

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Premier Ministre René Waldeck Rosseau
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf
J.R.R. Tolkien, Council of Elrond, The Fellowship of the Ring

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by EvilMonkey » Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:24 am

Considering we have leaders named Tootsie Baba and Zloi-Obezyana, not to mention the overall comedic nature of our news posts. I think there might be a bit of room for leeway in what words we use to describe things. Though I do understand where you are coming from.
The Warsaw Times

French Assassination Plot Foiled

Today, amidst the vaunted halls of the imperial palace, the french sent "diplomat" has shown the true colors of his nation when he made an attempt on the beloved Tzar's life.

Shortly before Six PM this evening, the French sent diplomat made his arrival known at the imperial palace. He was quick to insult his host, and demand apologies for the honorable actions of our Tzar against the French and Austrian nobility. When the Tzar refused to issue an apology the diplomat attempted to fling what seemed to be a large, well groomed rat (Later discovered to be a small french poodle), loaded with explosives.

The plot was foiled however by the Tzars own dog, Boris, the beloved Russian Wolfhound. The courageous animal, sensing the danger, leapt into the air and caught the poodle in his jaws and was able to leap towards the French failure of an assassin, catching him in the resulting blast. The Heroic animal (as well as the coward responsible for the attack) was killed in the explosion and the Tzar did sustain minor injuries.

The Tzar has issued a statement saying; "We shall seek vengeance for the cowardly attack. Those bastards killed my dog, and everyone knows you don't mess with a man's dog. I shall not rest until the entire French Capital is but rubble." He was also quoted as saying; "People of France, I bid you rise up against the coward you call your leader, for he gives you all a bad image and will lead you into bloodshed and annihilation with his dishonorable and cowardly tactics."

Boris, the beloved animal, and courageous savior of our beloved Tzar has been given several awards for bravery. His funeral shall be given every bit of pomp and ceremony befitting his heroic nature and he shall be buried in the crypts of St. Basil's Cathedral with full military honors. The Funeral shall take place within the next week and already all the rentable rooms within the city are sold out.
Here, you hold this jar of acid and the rattlesnake. I've got to hop on the unicycle and get this chainsaw revved up.

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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by Vardaen » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:53 pm

Paris Gazzett

French Ambassador assassinated in Russia!

Sean-Juc Deumont, the hand picked ambassador, god fearing man, father of three, loving husband died last week while seeking political peace and a simple apology from the Russian Czar for his national paper's printing of obvious lies and doctored photos. Deumont was stabbed in the chest after asking for the Czar to apologize. He died latter that day. Sources within the hospital report he was also suffering from a nasty wound on his leg characterized like a large deep bite. The ambassador is only one more thread in the showing unraveling of the Russia government under Czar Zloi-Obezyana.

Powerful voices in Russia themselves call for the Czar's resignation. “His character is the source of all our misfortunes. His outstanding weakness is a lack of willpower.” Sergei Witte, Count and powerful figure for the industrialization of Russia said. The Count was not alone in his denouncement of the Czar, Rasputin sent a letter to the Paris paper and in it said, "The Czar can change his mind from one minute to the next; he's a sad man; he lacks guts.”

Today French President and Prime Ministre met behind closed doors. What the official stance of France shall be toward Russia shall be decided soon. There is hope still that Turkey will "do the right thing", but this reporter isn't so certain.

[Edit] To fix misprint of Czar's name. All those Russian names sound the same.[/Edit]
Last edited by Vardaen on Thu Oct 20, 2011 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf
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Re: Diplomacy 3

Post by EvilMonkey » Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:51 pm

The Daily Finn

French Lies Nearly Cause International Rift

Today it has come to the Tzar's attention that the French newspapers (Read: Propaganda), have insisted on lying to the people of that once great nation. The most obvious lie as of late is the statement that they have conducted medical examinations on the body of the deceased diplomat turned assassin. The lie becomes apparent when it is taken into account that there wasn't much of a body left. The largest surviving part of the misguided assassin was the lower left leg. Which, though sporting several large pieces of shrapnel were devoid of any bites. What little was left of him was summarily sent back to the French in a basket with several boxes of handkerchiefs, a few bottles of vodka, and a note stating simply; "Try harder, toad suckers!"

In other news the former Tzar's murder has had some light cast upon it. It is now believed that the assassins that did the deed are in fact members of the French terrorist cell "Le Frog". That, coupled with their comments about the Tzar being weak willed and lacking strength of will, have added more fuel to the already inferno like hatred of the French amongst the Russian populace. The Russian People are at this very moment staging mass protests which include burning effigies of the French leaders, a boycott of any french made products is also in effect...
Last edited by EvilMonkey on Thu Oct 20, 2011 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Here, you hold this jar of acid and the rattlesnake. I've got to hop on the unicycle and get this chainsaw revved up.

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