The princess and the pauper

This forum contains those "neverending stories" where one person writes a bit of a story and then another person picks it up where the previous left off. Should make for some interesting reading.
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TetNak
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Post by TetNak » Wed Dec 17, 2003 6:12 pm

... fits of diarrhea she had ever experienced. Her stomach bubbles and shot pains through her entire body. It was the garden gnomes she knew. Always bringing up the rare 'roots' and 'weeds' for her salads. What had she eaten she thought? But she was distracted as SonofaGun's wailing suddenly stopped. And instead his booming voice called out, 'I know why you turn a shade of yellow, yon princess! You certainly ....

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Post by Brennor » Thu Dec 18, 2003 6:20 pm

... have just been hit by one of the worse fits of diaherra you've ever experienced!" SonofaGun's laugh continues to echo through the valley. "Soon you will finally learn what our family's secret weapon of mass destruction *REALLY* is. If you though Lil'Goober was mighty powerful, just wait until you experience this!" Lil'Goober laughs at the words SonofaGun say, until he realizes that the princess is currently inside! Lil'Goober then...
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Post by Vardaen » Thu Dec 18, 2003 9:01 pm

...feels the explotion from the Princess' bowls. The resulting biological fit of gastrointeritus completely filled the bucket seats of the battle robot known as Lil'Goober. Screaming out, as she sat in her own excement, bits and pieces of watery feces began to short circut the giant robot's main consols. SonofaGun had spoken its last words already, falling over dead, and now like the saying goes. "Like father like son (ofaGun)." Lil'Goober began a main core failure, in moments its reactor would melt down, and explode in a ball of nuklear fallout. The Princess was to upset to even move, covered in her own waste. So it was up to the Garden Gnomes, even with their sore legs from all the can-can dancing. The chief among the gnomes, The Gnome-King Bubba quickly ordered the retreat of his gnomish can-an dancers. The entire group with drawing into their underground lair. There deep under the earth the Gnome-King found safety, as above ground Lil'Goober gave his death wail, and exploded into a ball of fiery death killing everyone for miles around. Saddened by this strange turn of events, who would arrive to rise the gnomish spirits but none other than...
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf
J.R.R. Tolkien, Council of Elrond, The Fellowship of the Ring

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TetNak
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Post by TetNak » Thu Dec 18, 2003 9:18 pm

... The strange wizard only known as "The Great Gimp". The Great Gimp looked over the destruction with utter remorse and sympathy. All were dead, the gnomes had vanished, and worse of all it stank like sh*t.

"I shall need to go to the tower to contemplate the fate of the princess. Her father, King Fatboy, will be very displeased." So the wizard left the great crater the explosion had caused.

In his tower the wizard looked into his magical mirror. "Mirror, mirror ..." He stopped, shaking his head, "Wrong story." He looked into his magical mongoose instead. "Mongoose. Tell me, who can right the wrongs of the land?"

The Magical Mongoose replied, "....
"Kings have no friends, only subjects and enemies."

- King Stannis Baratheon, First of His Name

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Post by Brennor » Fri Dec 26, 2003 11:08 pm

... "There are none that can right the wrongs of the land, for there have been too many wrongs performed by your race to correct!" The Magical Mongoose laughs at the Great Gimp. "But, in this instance, you are not looking for someone to right the wrongs of the land, but for someone to help in this instance, and to save the Princess..."

The Mongoose trails off, muttering: "if such a thing can ever be done with IBS like that! <ahem> Sorry... Anyways, this is who you are looking for..."

The Magical Mongoose's eyes dim, and then in a flash of bright light, a picture appears... of the inside of the brothel just down the street -- an interesting scene. The Mongoose laughs! "Hey now, Gimpy, clear your mind -- yer making it tough for me! I know where you are planning on going after we are done here, and what you are planning on doing -- sicko!"

With that, the Mongoose's eyes clear, and then finally fade in to show...
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Post by Vardaen » Sat Jan 17, 2004 7:21 pm

...to show an image of a young man, face down in the gutter. Emtpy bootles of liquor litter the ground around the drunkard. Muddy hair, muddy feet, a muddy face. The boy can be no older than 17, and even though this is just a picture of him, he smells very bad. The Magical Mongoose is forced to crinkle his nose at the oder causing the image to vanish as well.

"Well he doesn't look much, but he'll do the job. Go now and find this pauper down in the city. Look among the taverns and flophouses of the lower districts. Someplace near the gravedigger's shack you should find him, if he hasn't drowned in his own vomit."

So off they went...
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf
J.R.R. Tolkien, Council of Elrond, The Fellowship of the Ring

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Post by TetNak » Mon Jan 26, 2004 7:08 pm

... and he was much annoyed. He REALLY wanted to go to the brothel that day. But the Great Gimp knew his duty, he had read Lord of the Rings, he was Gandalf dammit. A Gandalf that liked prostitutes that is.

Finally he and his mongoose arrived nearby. He saw hobos doing crack and drinking cheap wine. What a place! The Great Gimp finally realized that this place wasn't so bad afterall. This pauper might actually do the trick the thought. Finally, he rounded a corner, and lo' and behold he saw ...
"Kings have no friends, only subjects and enemies."

- King Stannis Baratheon, First of His Name

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Post by Brennor » Mon Jan 26, 2004 7:50 pm

... the gutter that had appeared in the visions. Over there was the Cardboard Box Hotel, and in the other corner was the Dumpster Bar & Grill, and front and center was the gutter that the pauper was supposed to be in. The gutter was there, the empty bottles of liquor were there, the vomit was there, and the place even had the disgusting smell that permeated the room when the Magical Mongoose focused on him. But no pauper!

A quick flash of motion attracted the Great Gimp's eyes to the Cardboard Box Hotel. There, in one of the windows was a Garden Gnome doing the can-can. The Great Gimp rubbed his eyes, he couldn't believe what he had just seen. He looked back, and the Gnome was now...
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Post by Vardaen » Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:48 pm

...being pummled to death. Pummeled by the Pauper. There was our newest hero beating the <censored> out of the poor gnome. The man's hair was greasy, his fingernails dirty and bloody, he smelled of cheap booze and even cheaper vomit. Pausing for a moment he looked up, "Ah, whatta ya want!" he shouted in a terrible Italian accentah.

The Great Gimps only reply could be...
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." - Gandalf
J.R.R. Tolkien, Council of Elrond, The Fellowship of the Ring

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Post by TetNak » Fri Feb 13, 2004 5:37 pm

... "I want you to stop beating the shit out of that Gnome!" The Great Gimp looked infuriated. "If you do not I will give you the worst hemroids you have ever had."

Alas, the Pauper continued to beat the Gnome. The Great Gimp readied his Hemroid spell, one of his most deadly. And thus, he began to weave it, and just as he cast it, with the intent of giving the Pauper some viciously painful and itchy 'roids ....
"Kings have no friends, only subjects and enemies."

- King Stannis Baratheon, First of His Name

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