The noise wakes Eddy up.Eddy dreams:
"This is it, man." says Jimmy. "The final fuck you. Are you ready, man? Do you have clean underwear like momma said to?"
This is Jimmy in a nutshell. He is the other night stock clerk at stuff-mart store #108. Senior to Eddy only because he is older and has been with the store longer. Jimmy will never be management. He shows up in the same Metallica t-shirt and ripped jeans he always has. That's his uniform. Sometimes the Metallica is too ripe, and he wears the Iron Maiden one instead. But that's all the variety he gets. That's all he's ever gotten since he started working at Stuff-mart when he dropped out of high school. That was 1989.
When jimmy isn't at work, he is drinking beer, buying cd's, smoking, or driving his crappy trans am around. Usually all at once now that he got the laptop. If there was a prize for being the world's all-time biggest loser, Jimmy would be a frontrunner.
It's just Eddy's luck that he has to stand next to this guy in the longest line in the history of time. It slowly inches forward, one person at a time while Jimmy continues to go on about the genetic inadequacies of the people around him. Step by step up the giant staircase on the side of the mountain, it's all about Jimmy.
To relieve the monotony, Eddy looks down the mountain to see that he's not the unluckiest son of a bitch in the world. There are what looks to be a million people behind him in line.
But they don't have to listen to Jimmy.
It seems like an eternity, but they finally reach a point where they can see the end. Giant golden gates glisten in the sunlight, and at the head of the line are two figures. To the right is one that can be nothing but an angel: Feathered wings, burning halo, and all. To the left is the twin of the angel, except with black skin and bat wings. Funny, aren't Devils supposed to be red?
As each person reaches the front of the line, the devil shouts a word. The Angel, it seems, either nods or quietly says something. It is too far away to hear what is being said, but it is very obvious what happens. If the Angel nods, the person at the front of the line is taken up by the devil, their spine is broken, and they are hurled off the cliff. If the Angel speaks, the gates are opened and the person is let in.
Any doubt of what's happening leaves Eddy's mind. It's judgment day. For the last half hour of the march to judgment, Eddy only has one thought in his mind, one that even drowns out Jimmy's stupidity: Please, speak for me.
The first time Eddy realizes he can hear the words is when he sees Mike at the front of the line. Mike is the only manager that survived when the hand of God briefly blew across the parking lot during ration day.
"Pederast!" shouts the Demon.
"I KNEW it" Shouts Jimmy.
The angel nods, and Mike is cast down
The process continues. The devil shouts out what the guy at the front did wrong, and the angel either agrees, or says "Repentant" and lets the guy through.
Jimmy gets to the front, and he doesn't even give the devil time to speak:
"Hail Satan, dude!"
The Devil just stares at him for a moment, then breaks out laughing. He doesn't even wait for the Angel's nod and breaks Jimmy over his knee. Jimmy looks surprised. Maybe he thought that devil worshippers would get some leniency. Instead, he learns first-hand what the prize for being the world's biggest loser is.
Then it's Eddy's turn. He stands for a moment, waiting to see what the demon will say about him, but it is the angel who speaks. "Come over here to the side, will you, sir? The Boss has something he wants to say to you."
Eddy steps to the side and waits while the two beings complete their work with the remaining million or so people. Finally, a glowing ball comes out from the gate and a voice that could break mountains comes from it:
"I have given you the word and the way. I have made sure that you understand it. I have given you everything you need and you have turned your back from me. Your petty problems were greater in importance than your very soul. The dirt and meat of your existence took up all of your mind, and so you chose neither me nor my adversary. Go now to the world you have inherited. I forsake you."
The light goes into the gate and the gates slam shut.
The Stuff-Mart is quiet for the first time in months. Nobody is beating on the door. Nobody is arguing with the guard to be let in because they deserve the food inside. Nobody is breathing inside the bunkhouse that used to be the pet food isle. There is just the buzz of the fluorescents and the hum of the AC units.
Eddy is alone with the corpses.
